poemless. a slap in the face of public taste.

August 24, 2009

Odds & Ends: Wild Kingdom Edition

Filed under: Odds & Ends — poemless @ 4:55 PM
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Contents: Putin’s zoophilia, Moscow’s hobo dogs, Nazi Pooh bears and Zombies. And other gems.

It’s quite difficult to write a proper Odds & Ends these days. Ames got himself into a mess of money trouble and had to flee Moscow, leaving me eXile-less. MosNews has been unable to report anything but “hosting suspended for non-payment” for weeks. Capitalism has not been kind to the news of the perverse. Russians need to learn from America how to continue doing things they really can’t afford to do. I get the suspicion that they are taking this market economy idea too literally. It’s kabuki, people. Have you turned on the news recently? There is no money left here. I read the FDIC is broke. You don’t see Americans up and leaving to look for work in Canada to pay off their mortgages, do you? No. They’re gonna sit in their big fat houses in front of their big fat tvs until someone comes to drag them out kicking and screaming. They’re hedging their bets, assuming the people who get paid to drag people out of their homes kicking and screaming are also recently laid off and sitting in their big fat houses in front of their big fat tvs until someone comes to drag them out. Anyway, power-mad Capitalism has shut down the interesting journamalism in Moscow. The only insanity I can report on is American public policy, and that’s not funny ha-ha insane, that’s Alzheimer’s insane. Horrific, sad, embarrassing, makes you just want it to be over with soon so they’re out of their misery insane. So I’m avoiding U.S. news like I used to avoid grandma’s phone calls. Vovka at least is still romping around without half his clothes, but I can’t report on that every week. Unless the other half are shed, I can’t justify this behavior as “news.” He does seem to be flying through the Handbook of Bizarre Antics for Elected Officials at lightning speed, so I do look forward to the day when he gets to this entry. I wonder if it will be in Berlusconi’s bed…

And yet, August is upon us. What a morose bloody month it’s been. Even Russia Today’s supermodelanchors can’t pretend to be quirky and oblivious this week. People think the Russian news is all shiny happy neo-Soviets propaganda all the time. It’s not. It’s the airshow was a big effing failure, the whole entire effing North Caucasus has gone South Central L.A. on militant Islam and a whole entire effing dam collapsed and killed so many people that even the Prime Minster refuses to be “It sunk” snarky about it. Outside of Russia, it is famine, natural disasters, economic crisis and, to top it all off, even Obama is unpopular. He’s so unpopular people are coming to town halls armed. That’s how terrible everything is. Things weren’t even this terrible at the height of the Bush regime. That is what the news tells me. And there’s a new holiday to celebrate the twin evils of Nazism and Stalinism. When I say “Merkel is not appeasing anyone. The President of Ukraine has a 4% approval rating. Things weren’t even that terrible at the height of the Bush regime,” the news tells me, “Molotov–Ribbentrop,” like some fucking parrot with a history degree. Not because they have any idea what the hell it means in today’s geo-political climate. But because it’s a big word and they want you to know they know it. This explains why each time I read “Molotov–Ribbentrop” in the news, I hear it being said by the voice of Ricky Gervais’ character on The Office. It also explains why there wasn’t such hoopla on the anniversary of the Munich agreement…

Ack. All too depressing! Let’s talk about something else! (more…)


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