I am alive and here and completely reachable.
I am also way, way too busy, astonishingly exhausted, frazzled, working harder at life than any human should have to, feeling unresolved and adrift and generally … not writing anything.
But still alive, right, so that’s something.
Here are some lame-ass excuses for why I can’t blog:
I am back at work and spending all day, well, working.
After work I go either to therapy, political stuff, doctor’s appointments, running errands or somewhere to be with friends. I get home so late the cat would report me for criminal negligence if he weren’t so damned sweet.
When I am at home I am doing dishes, laundry, cooking or some other frightening task I’ve put off for the past week. On autopilot.
Or crying. Which is so pathetic. Honestly, I really should have stopped that by now. Why the fuck am I crying. I have enough to deal with already.
There is also reading (don’t go looking for any books in Crerar library’s psych section – I got em all), journaling (like just keeping track of if I remembered to eat that day type of things), yoga, going to the lake or going to the museum (they call it spiritual nourishment, as if one required and excuse), lying in bed with a migraine, staring suspiciously at my cat, staring suspiciously at my fridge, staring suspiciously at my clock, and some time between 1 and 6 am sleep is involved.
Now someone has invited me to do some part time work I think is driving me insane. Like, if you think the InoForum interview was vague and insane, this is even vague and insaner. But in a paid way.
The truth is I no longer even have time to be me. Let alone write.
Another truth is that had I all the time and freedom in the world I would not want to write. I feel nauseous and as though I’ve little in the way of words that are neither worrisome nor lies. And you deserve roses.
…So genius that I am I’ve decided I need a new blog because this one’s meant to be about Russia and not about nervous breakdowns even though I assume anyone who would ever read a blog about Russia would be a glutton for punishment indeed and that’s why no one’s complained yet.
So stay tuned. New blog day approaches.