Random thoughts

I’ve really nothing of great import to say at the moment.

I wrote a diary on literature in translation in America but it was profoundly boring. I bored myself writing it.

Mayor Daley is not seeking re-election and I believe the only people outside Chicago who can understand how this feels must reside in Russia.

Vision/brain pathology update: Perhaps a result of the wild B12 deficiency. Perhaps hormonal. Perhaps vestibular malfunction.

Sunday is my birthday and I hate birthdays. Tuesday was the 10 year anniversary of my mother’s death and I was having all of these terrible flashbacks because the sky on Tuesday morning looked exactly as it did 10 years ago when I was on an emergency red-eye home. It was just awful, I won’t lie.

Izo.com’s closing shop and will be madly madly missed by yours truly. Truly, truly missed.

Yet I am so very happy autumn has arrived.

How could I have not blogged abut Bono or Khimki or Putin’s weird road trip? Easily; everyone else was blogging about it. I’m not really a joiner.

Someone recently said that to me. “Why don’t you invite your boyfriend to the Fizz with us?” “He’s not really a joiner.” The he in question was wearing a t-shirt with CCCP stamped on it, and was eating pot brownies. What she really meant was, “He’s a joiner alright – he just doesn’t want to join you.” Like when men tell you they aren’t really the marrying type.

I don’t know what the hell is going on with my family. But actually, everytime in the past I thought I did know what was going on with my family, I turned out to be wrong. So maybe I am just being more honest with myself.

I’m rather freaked out about the whole Mayor thing, to be honest. I mean, I don’t expect great upheaval. But I think I’ve been writing about Russia too long, or living in America too long, because suddenly democracy feels unnecessarily dangerous. There is something to be said for the devil you know. But that’s the real problem with autocracy: they are not devils but people who eventually want to stop working. Or die. And now there is a very real chance that Rahm Emanuel could be put in charge of my dear town, which I so love and cherish. Do you think Americans leave too much up to chance? Letting Wall St. gamble, swing voters vote, the mentally unstable burn Korans and run for office? It’s hard to argue we have a perfect system when our country is falling apart before our very eyes. I guess this is why Americans are fond of saying, “It’s in God’s hands. I have faith in the good Lord that everything will be alright.” Because secretly we’re all hoping against hope someone is in charge, calling the shots. Maybe that’s why people who are against regulation are wildly religious. And why atheists are commies. Inside our inner children still expect that someone with more sense and power is looking out for their welfare. Inside our inner grown-ups know what their peers are capable of and hope that someone with more sense and power is looking out for their welfare. Note that anarchists tend to be college students who believe they live independent lives while relying on mom and dad to pay for rent and school. Or Europeans, who are basically the same thing, but with governments for parents.

I’ve no parents or God, not even a spouse or a European welfare state. So I suppose I could be forgiven for placing too much faith in people like Richard M. Daley and Vladimir V. Putin. Or at least forgiven for not having much faith in an anyone else.

…

And thus ends the sad little diatribe who did realize they were so sad but only wanted to post something so you would know the blog is not dead. Tragic.

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